Tuesday, December 16, 2014


A lot has been happening this week. Not to me but to some friends of mine.

They ended a long relationship about a month ago and one of them is already in another relationship. It's interesting how someone else's life and choices effects other people around them. All of my group of friends have been trying to be supported of both of them. We try not to pick sides but it usually doesn't end up that way.  We will see one but not the other or one person distances them-self from the group because they are trying to find themselves or experience new things. That's fine and I respect that. It still doesn't make it any easier for us; or me at least. It's sad to know that the group dynamic is changing and will never be the same again. It's another adjustment to make and who knows what that will do to everyone. I know we grow and change over time but these are the people that I feel close too and want to remain friends with. I want all of us to be able to get along like we did in college. Hopefully that will happen and I know it will take time. I guess what I'm trying to say is, even though we are all moving in different directions and making our own lives, I still want us to be there for the big moments.

Thursday, December 11, 2014


Have you ever wondered if what you have been prepping for is something that you really want? I'm entering the last semester of my schooling and it is an exciting and anxious time. I've found myself thinking about how I have worked so hard for this but then I find myself in doubt whether this is something that I really want to do. I thought I did four years ago, but now I am second guessing it. I think it's interesting how we want something so bad and will do anything to get it but once we have it, we start to question whether it was something really worth having. I guess that must be normal. It doesn't sound normal though. It sounds like a bi-polar individual who can't make up their mind.

The problem with people who only want what they can't have is that once they have what they want, they don't want it anymore. 
-Scrubs (J.D.)

I think it must be a challenge though. The combination of excitement and anxiousness wanting makes us nervous about it actually happening. We've been working so hard for what has seemed to be so long and now that it's here, it's scary. You are taking a risk and trusting that what you have prepped for for so long will actually work out. This is something that you will be doing with a big portion of your life. I guess it's about taking chances and learning from those chances.

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it. 
-scrubs (J.D) 

Friday, November 21, 2014


My friends ended their relationship Saturday. I shouldn't be as concerned as I am but I do feel bad for both of them. They have been through so much together and it's hard to see them just give it up. They are still talking though and hopefully something good will come out of it.

This event made me start to think about my relationship. Isn't that funny how when something happens to someone else, you start to re-evaluate your life and see if it is up to terms? Every relationship is different and you can't compare yourself or your situation to anybody else's. You have to work through your own stuff and make sure it means something to both of you. I feel like we tend to take people for granted and once that appreciation, happiness, love or whatever is not expressed as it should be, then we start to take a turn for the worse. We start to find a way out because we are not being noticed. Instead of reminding each other that we appreciate one another, we tend to do the opposite and slide out of the relationship to find something or someone else that will notice us more.

I don't know. Some people are meant to be and others, I guess, are not. I do believe that we need to be more aware of each other and the balance, energy, and emotions need to be expressed and recognized. I guess in the end, it's up to you whether it's something worth working for.

"Bottom line is: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if it's right and they're real lucky. One of them will say something."

Friday, October 17, 2014

Happy Birthday!

Today is my husband's birthday! He is 26 years old today and I am very excited to celebrate the day with him. This week has been long due to being the end of the quarter. (We are half way through the semester!) He has been working hard on getting grades in and prepping for parent teacher conferences. I'm not sure how he does it. He comes home from work with more work and continues to just keep trucking through. I know he enjoys the area he is in and his job and I'm so glad he has ended up there. I'm proud of him and I'm so happy that he has found what he loves to do.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014


Do you enjoy your job?

I work with a company that provides care and compassion for individuals who need help. Most of the time, I work with people who are older and may not be able to do things that they used to do. This has opened my eyes in so many ways to the possibilities and scariness of getting older. This job has also provided me the opportunity of meeting new people. I have realized that working with people is something that I want to do. The people I have met, have impacted me in some way and I appreciate the experiences they have given me. I have met:

A woman more intellectual than anyone I have ever met
A man who has struggled most of his life and is still struggling today
A man who is still living life at a ripe old age
A woman who had a great life and slowly went on to the next one
A woman who I look forward to seeing throughout the week

As a caregiver we are supposed to get to know our clients and interact with them. You have a fear of getting too personal because one it's a business and two, they may not be around for much longer. This is something I have to balance but I get to know the clients and listen and enjoy what they have to say. They have taught me many things about life and how to live it and I hope I can take that knowledge and do just that. Live life.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

I have always been aware of my surroundings. I feel connected to many things: people, nature, animals, etc. There are times where I have strong feelings about a person and I know how they are feeling even if they are far away or I haven't talked to them. I can feel energies around me. Good and bad. I always knew this but I don't always open up to it. I'm trying to change that. 

Some of my family members are more in-tune with themselves and their gifts. My aunt is very aware of herself and the people around her. She explained to me that what I have is called Clairsentient. This is the process of feeling energies or emotions from people. There are certain times where I feel an energy or feelings from people but I don't see the person. There have been a number of times that I have felt someone in our apartment. I have never seen a "ghost" but I know someone is there. I can tell if it is a good or bad vibe and I can also tell if it is a man or a woman. Sometimes, I have felt a lingering blackness. There was no gender, just blackness. I have also woken up in the middle of the night and could feel that my cousin was upset or worried about something. I had no idea why but I just knew something was not right. There are other times when I get so overwhelmed and don't even want to be around people. I'm not a fan of big crowds and find myself to get overwhelmed easily in those situations. I can feel people's energies and it wears me out. 

Knowing that I have this gift makes me more aware. I am trying to open myself up to these experiences and see what happens. This is something that I cannot ignore. I have a connection for a reason and I will try to keep myself open to whatever possibilities come my way. 

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Ride the Waves

It's been awhile...

I've never been good at blog posts. Half the time I'm not really sure what to write about and the other half I am just not consistent about it. I feel like I should try and write down my feelings more or keep a journal about my life. Not necessarily for anyone to read but more for myself.

The start of this school year has been a busy one. The start of August entailed me getting married, going on our honeymoon and the day after we came back, school started. My husband is a teacher and is in full swing of things. He leaves early in the morning and most of the time, I don't see him until after supper. He is trying to make sure everything is going just right and I'm supporting him the best I can. I hope he has a good first year and things will get easier for him. I'm in my last year of school and just trying to stay focused. That's hard to do when you are burnt out. I feel like I've been burnt out of school for awhile. The problem is though, I'm burnt out about work too. I feel like I should be excited about getting a job but right now I'm not. I wish we could just be done with school and then that is that. Maybe I'll change my mind next semester. We start our last round of clinical rotations then and I'm sure that will get my mind ready for the "job world".

The truth is, I'm not very good at transitions. I never have been. It's always been hard going from one thing to another. Moving on or up in the world to something scarier but maybe even better than before. That first step is always the hardest. After the initial first step, I usually can role with the punches. The idea of change is always unsettling to people and I've never really understood why. We can't escape it and just have to accept it. That's part of life and we have to learn to ride the waves when they come.