Dear Universe

I have been dealing with some stuff. I figure this is typical "becoming a more grownupy grown up stuff" but nevertheless, it is bothering me. I get so frustrated on how for some reason, I never am fully satisfied. It's weird; I love where I live, I love my husband, I love my family and that should be enough. But for whatever reason, I do not feel completely fulfilled and that is frustrating to me. Now, this feeling comes and goes and is not always as strong/pronounced but the fact that it keeps hanging around has me tired. I have been nagging my brain as to what it is that is causing it. Is it my job?, the setting I work in?, not enough "me time"? I'm not even sure which is frustrating because then I'm not sure how to go about fixing it. So I'm laying it out there....here it is

Dear Universe,

I am handing myself to you. I will do my best not to overthink or stress over my feelings and just let life be what it will be. Like I stated before, I am not sure what needs to be altered or addressed with my life but I'm leaving it to you. All I ask is that whatever it is, please let it be what's best for me and my husband. I want us both to be happy and completely fulfilled with ourselves and our lives. With this, I hope you can not only give me clarity in what I'm looking for, but the wisdom and sense to recognize it.  I will wait. I will listen and I will feel.

Validation

We all live for a job. That's what society tells us to do...at least that's how I take it. The emphasis on your job and how it makes you who you are is so important and can rattle your self conscious if it's not the right fit. I think I found my fit. After 7 months of adjusting, trying to make the best of different jobs and networking, I have found a position that makes me feel supported and validated. I love what I do, the patients I work with, how they grow and the team that I have. We are all working well together and things are coming along great. There is still adjusting to be done and continuous growth but to feel good about what I do and to feel the belonging is a great start.

Worry and Doubt

I wish I could stay happy. Not saying that I'm never happy but I find that I am not satisfied with where I'm at in my life which is ridiculous because I have a job, a great husband and I live in freaking Hawaii. Why wouldn't I be happy?! It's very frustrating how I continue to slip back into doubt and worry. I constantly think about where I "should" be at and what my job is like or not like and etc. There is always something that sucks me back from happiness and it's getting to the point where it's making me mad. I'm not sure what to do about it. I've tried accepting the feelings but then you tend to dwell on them. I've tried changing jobs, researching but that hasn't solved anything. I know there are pros and cons to any job you have, place you live and basically any situation life throws at you but why can't I accept that like a normal person? I've decided that I am not good at life and no matter what happens or where I'm at, what situation I'm in, there is always going to be something that bothers me. I just wish I could accept it and move on. Maybe I just need to try something different.....just not sure what.