Trust

I am tired.

There has been a lot going on in life recently and I have a lot to think about. Different situations are happening at work and I need to be mentally prepared for options that may come up. While prepping for that I also need to go to work and continue seeing people with high energy and a smile on my face. It's fine in the moment but by the end of the week, sometimes even the end of the day, I am spent.

All things happen for a reason right? It's funny how you think of something and then it happens but then as time goes on, you wish it was different again. I guess that phrase "be careful what you wish for" holds more truth to it. With all the possible decisions and changes that may be occurring with work and personal life, I am leaning on the universe right now. I am hoping I have the knowledge to know what is best for me and take whatever opportunity when timing is right. Please continue to guide me and give me continued strength to handle not only my patients, but to understand what my purpose is and how it fits in with what is going on around me.

Bob

I'm sitting here trying to think of how to start this since it's been so long and I cannot find the words. Life has been moving and continues to move. Currently I'm dealing with a patient who is dying. He has cancer in his hip and spinal fluid and there isn't much that can be done. I've worked with this patient before for a hip replacement and have built a relationship with him. For the past two weeks, I have been working with him and every day, have seen him decline. He is having difficulty swallowing, speaking, communicating and overall functioning. This afternoon I spent an hour with him after work. I got to hold his hand, talk to him and got him to take a drink of water and lie down. His wife says we have a special connection because I can get him to do things that others can't. It's nice to know I can comfort him in ways others cannot. He is so tired and is fighting so hard; I can feel it in his energy. I talked with his wife and kids and we all shared stories and concerns but it never feels like it's enough. In situations like those, I feel that we all want to say or do something to make the pain, sadness, uncomfortablness or whatever the feeling is to go away. Unfortunately, that just takes time. Tears were shed and hugs were given. I told him that it was okay to relax and rest. I want him to relax and let go. He's fighting so hard and I know he is tired.

On my way home, across the sky was a bright rainbow. I'm taking it as a sign from the universe that as hard as it is, it will be okay. And he will be okay.