Thursday, March 1, 2018


We all live for a job. That's what society tells us to least that's how I take it. The emphasis on your job and how it makes you who you are is so important and can rattle your self conscious if it's not the right fit. I think I found my fit. After 7 months of adjusting, trying to make the best of different jobs and networking, I have found a position that makes me feel supported and validated. I love what I do, the patients I work with, how they grow and the team that I have. We are all working well together and things are coming along great. There is still adjusting to be done and continuous growth but to feel good about what I do and to feel the belonging is a great start.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Worry and Doubt

I wish I could stay happy. Not saying that I'm never happy but I find that I am not satisfied with where I'm at in my life which is ridiculous because I have a job, a great husband and I live in freaking Hawaii. Why wouldn't I be happy?! It's very frustrating how I continue to slip back into doubt and worry. I constantly think about where I "should" be at and what my job is like or not like and etc. There is always something that sucks me back from happiness and it's getting to the point where it's making me mad. I'm not sure what to do about it. I've tried accepting the feelings but then you tend to dwell on them. I've tried changing jobs, researching but that hasn't solved anything. I know there are pros and cons to any job you have, place you live and basically any situation life throws at you but why can't I accept that like a normal person? I've decided that I am not good at life and no matter what happens or where I'm at, what situation I'm in, there is always going to be something that bothers me. I just wish I could accept it and move on. Maybe I just need to try something different.....just not sure what.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

What is your's to carry?

I found this quote today.

"I wonder how much of what weighs me down is not mine to carry"

A lot has been happening in our "society" as of lately. Bickering, arguing, discussions, bills being passed or not passed, etc. I have to be a good citizen and try (as much as I may hate it) to watch the news and see what is going on. What's currently being decided and how it's being handled makes me think that people choose or react to things to get on a "power trip" Manipulation, greed and selfishness is all part of it. There is no thought of other people, the environment or the future. Just...what can I get RIGHT NOW?

I admit, I am not the perfect citizen. I did not vote in this last election and honestly, I don't think I've ever voted. I do not stay informed and I focus on myself and my family. Sounds like I'm being a hypocrite from what I just said earlier in the above paragraph. My justification for that is, I choose how I react to people and events that will benefit me and my family. I contribute to whatever charity I can (whether public or giving a friend a gift they cannot afford). I am a positive person (for the most part) and I expel my energy on people everyday hoping it makes a difference. I live by the golden rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. I try my best not to judge and I'm kind. My profession makes people physically, mentally and emotionally better which I feel contributes more so than many other things.

I get very frustrated and emotional at how people treat other people and what goes on in the news. Even now, writing this post, I'm getting emotional. So, going back to the quote up above, what is not mine to carry? What is not your's to carry? I think we should all think about this when we choose to make a decision and react to certain things. I feel that if I'm a good person, I try hard everyday and I put out good energy for everyone, that good energy will makes it's way around and will eventually come back to me. I just wish others would do this too. What is your's to carry?

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Get back

We have been living in Kauai for three months now. It seems longer and shorter at the same time. Adjustments have been made, situations have occurred, and we are now getting into our new "normal". That seems to be taking extra time though. It seems that once you finally get used to a schedule, routine, or what a day entails for you, then it changes and you have to adapt all over again. Oh least I'm not bored.

This past week was a busy one. I'm not really sure why but it was. Work kept me away for awhile while my husband got to spend each day with friends or doing what he wants to do. (he is off for fall break). Friday neither of us had to work and we decided to go paddle boarding. It was so much fun and I love being with him. We then got some ice cream, sat on a bench and watched it rain. Something so simple that means so much.

I think we tend to get caught up with work, school, daily household tasks, friends, etc and that's fine. That stuff does need attention. But we also need to take time to enjoy where we are at. One of the reasons we moved to Hawaii was all the activities that are available to do outdoors. If we can't enjoy those things, then we are not enjoying one of the reasons we moved to this wonderful island. We all need to remember to "get back" to the things that make us happy and enjoy where we are. Even if it's just sitting on a bench and watching the rain.

Friday, June 16, 2017


Over the past two years (since I've written on this thing), I have discovered more about myself and what I want to do career wise. I was lucky enough to receive an opportunity to work as a PTA at an outpatient clinic towards the end of 2015. This was my first job as a PTA and I was supper excited to apply my clinical skills and learn some new ones as well. As my training started I was learning the environment of the clinic, documentation skills, insurance rules and so much more. I met my co-workers and started working in collaboration with them. Everything was going great. But, as any job has, I started noticing things that I did not agree with. This clinic focused on the money side of things and not as much on patient care. That is not why I went into therapy. I want to give people care but due to this clinic's "values" that seemed not to be as big of a value and the focus was on money/reimbursement. I was conflicted on if I wanted to work at this clinic. I would come home crying so frustrated that I was not being the best therapist I could be due to this clinic not allowing me to be. Even though this was the case, I stuck with this job for a year and a half. Don't get me wrong; I loved my co-workers, the patients and I learned so much but I hated the management and the total goal of what this clinic had in mind. I would come home frustrated, exhausted and mentally drained and I did not like living that way. I kept thinking this is not how this is supposed to be. I tried changing things/policies at work to try and fix the feelings I was having. Nothing seemed to work. I would have ups and downs and got to the point where I didn't care. That is horrible to not care when I work in field whose soul purpose is to care.

While all this was going on, I had a goal. Since I visited my aunt and uncle in Hawaii, I had wanted to live there. The environment, the food, the mixture of cultures, and the energy of the island pulled me in and I wanted to stay. For so long, this has been a dream of mine and I longed for it. I'm happy to say now, it's becoming my reality. I will be moving to Hawaii next month. My husband and I have both found jobs and we are so excited. We both prayed about it, discussed it, and prayed some more and finally decided to take the plunge and go for it. Now I feel excited, anxious, stressed and have a little second guessing going on. This is something that I've wanted for a long time and now that it's finally happening, it's almost like my mind can't believe it or has to talk its way out of it. Even though all these feelings and emotions are there, I'm still very excited to see what the island holds for me. I hope that my new jobs have a different outlook than my last one. I hope I learn just as much but work in a positive environment and that I actually enjoy going to work. May new bosses seem like wonderful people and have been very helpful. This is a good sign to me and I am looking forward to this new career and living adventure.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

It's been awhile.

Life has been crazy lately and it will continue that way. Tests have been passed, clinical rounds are almost up, graduation is coming up, job hunting is a thing now and we are moving. This is what will be happening this next month. I am super excited but the transition periods are always hard to get through. I find myself excited about the outcome or what is up ahead but I don't really want to go through the actual thing. Funny how that works right?

It was my birthday this past week. Another year and I don't really feel older but I know that I am. Time seems to go faster as we get older and I'm not sure I like it.

My husband is almost finished with his first year of teaching. They say that once you get past the first year then it gets easier. I wonder how true that is? He's excited though and I am too. It will be nice to have a little break and not have to think about school all the time. He deserves it.

I'll leave you with this...

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "I'm possible!" -Audrey Hepburn

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Clinical II

I am in my second week of clinicals. It's a crazy feeling to know that in a few short months, I'll be applying for my first real job. Hopefully I'll be ready by then.

So far, I have observed and helped here and there for certain patients. It's kind of hard being the student because I feel like I'm in the way and I'm not capable of anything yet. But it is also kind of fun because I get to sit back and watch all the relationships between the staff and patients. It's interesting how some patients are so willing to work and please you and others have no interest. At the age some of these patients are I can understand why they have no interest but it is also very sad. I feel a good portion of them are content with their functional activity and are okay with not getting any better because "someone else can do it for them" or "I'm going to die soon anyway so it doesn't matter". I guess that is something I'll have to get used to seeing being a therapist.

It's also interesting observing the staff. I like the people I work with and you can tell they enjoy what they do. Because PT, OT and Nursing all work together, they all tend to talk amoungst themselves about patients. I find this helpful but also interesting. You find out that some patients may like nursing more or less than the therapist so therefore, their attitude can change drastically. Another trait to get used to while working. As a student I learn so much and just hope that what I learn I can apply to the real world.