Baby fever?

I’ve reached the time in my life that a lot of people I know or who are around my age are having kids.  For whatever reason this has been a difficult subject for me and has brought up a lot of emotions. I am very happy for my friends and will be present in their and the baby’s life as “auntie” I talk about the experience and changes they are going through. For what ever reason though, I am also jealous, sad and slightly upset and guilt ridden. A baby is a big change and I know the dynamic is going to shift. And because quite a few people around me are having kids, then the spotlight gets turned to me and I’m asked when I’m going to have kids. This is what brings up all the emotions. I’m not fully ready to have kids and not sure when I will be. The phrase “you’ll have then when you’re ready” is then stated to me but the thought is a bit scary for me and a huge commitment. I guess I’m still selfish in wanting my time, body and sleep to stay the same. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I have nice thoughts about having a family but I can’t get past that fear. Then that is what makes me upset and a little guilty. I’m missing out on feeling “included” in the experiences and conversations of those hanging kids. I feel guilty for placing my husband in a holding pattern because I’m “not ready” and I may feel guilty for choosing to not have kids but why would I have them if I’m not truly ready or have doubts? Something so life changing and permanent should have a confidence and sure decision of yes. I’m so happy for those experiencing the opportunity of having kids; I really am. I just wish I could get past these other emotions I’m feeling and let some of it go.